My Mom Has Cancer
I just feel like it is one of the moments you know “Life before my mom has cancer.” vs. “Life after my mom had cancer.” Chris and I agreed we would tell the kids together. We both felt the heaviness and the pressure of what that would feel like, look like, and be like. We both felt like it was the hardest thing we have ever had to do as parents. But we were doing it together.
Knowing our kiddos and upon some research (you know a quick google search: How to tell your kids you have cancer) we decided it would be best to tell them separately. We asked Leah to meet us in her brother’s room where we could both be on the bed with her. I was armed with her journal I planned to give her, a bracelet with the word HOPE, and a book that we received from my aunt. The journal I had written the words to Danny Gokey’s Be Alright song lyrics. You see the night before Leah and I had a ‘normal’ night out to celebrate a dear friends birthday. On the ride home KLove was playing this song and completely His hand Leah was singing it loudly and she reached over to hold my hand and said, “I’m so glad everything is going to be alright.” Thank the good Lord it was late and already dark because the tears were at the brim. I managed to whisper out, “Me too sweet girl me too.” At this point she has no idea that I am not alright but she is referring to my Covid+ and pneumonia.
Chris Harris looks at me and her. He manages words I can’t remember but the look on my daughter’s face I will never forget. Her tears so real and raw and valid. We comfort her. I manage some words I can’t remember. We ask her what questions she might have. We answer as honestly and directly as we can. We hug and hold hands. I offer to pray and she said she would like that and for the first time in the longest time we pray together. Together. As a family. I see You there God.
We both go to our bedroom where Jude is watching his shows. We push pause. Why would we do that?! We tell him we have something to share with him. I am armed with a handful of picture books a dear friend sent us like any good teacher I am ready with my picture books! Again, Chris Harris looks at me and then Jude and says words I cannot remember. Jude unaffected reaches to his momma for a hug and a kiss. I offer to read our new books together to his reply, “That’s okay I don’t want to talk about this now.”
Okay. Well there’s that. “Life before my mom had cancer.” “Life NOW my mom has cancer.” We are in it. We are living it. AND everything is going to be alright.
There's a name that can silence every fear
There's a love that embraces
The heartache, the pain and the tears
Through my faith and my doubting
I know one thing for sure
His word is unfailing
His promise secure
Todo va a estar bien
Everything will be alright
The whole world's in His hands
Your whole world's in His hands
In the darkness and the trials
He's faithful and He's true
The whole world's in His hands
Y todo va a estar bien
Oh-oh oh-oh-oh
Everything will be alright
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Yeah
Father, You say everything is gonna be alright
But my circumstances say I won't last through the night
I need Your word to hold me now, need You to pull me through
I need a miracle, a breakthrough, I need You
They say You hold the whole universe in Your hand
But my world's falling apart like it is made of sand
Am I small enough to slip through the cracks?
Can You take my broken pieces and put them back?
Give me faith to believe You are on my side
Open my eyes to see You working in my life
Let the past remind me You never fail
Tell my soul "It is well" (oh)
Y todo va a estar bien
Everything will be alright
The whole world's in His hands
Your whole world's in His hands
In the darkness and the trials
He's faithful and He's true
Your whole world's in His hands
Y todo va a estar bien (everything)
Oh-oh oh-oh-oh
Everything will be alright (everything will be alright)
Oh-oh oh-oh-oh
Todo va a estar bien (oh-oh)
Oh-oh oh-oh-oh
Everything will be alright
Oh-oh oh-oh-oh (eh-yeh)
Yeah
Padre te confieso a corazón abierto
Que todo es muy incierto en este desierto
Mi vulnerabilidad está al descubierto
Siento que mi barca está muy lejos de su puerto
¿Por qué será que ya no sale el sol en mis días?
¿Por qué mis noches son tan frías?
¿Por qué será que siento que me falta algo?
¿Por qué este camino gris se siente tan largo?
Sé que estás obrando aunque no te sienta
Sé que estás obrando aunque no te vea
Sé que voy a salir de esta odisea
Sé que voy a ganar esta pelea
Sé que va a cesar esta marea temporaria
Que en ti yo viviré una vida extraordinaria
Que aunque no pueda entender
Me consuela saber que (todo)
Yo sé que
Todo va a estar bien (todo va a estar bien)
Everything will be alright
The whole world's in His hands
Your whole world's in His hands
In the darkness and the trials
He's faithful and He's true
Your whole world's in His hands
Y todo va a estar bien
Oh-oh oh-oh-oh
Everything will be alright (everything will be alright)
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Y todo va a estar bien (todo va a estar bien)
Oh-oh oh-oh-oh
Everything will be alright
Oh-oh-oh-oh
He's got the whole world in His hands
He's got the whole world in His hands
He's got the whole wide world in His hands
Todo el mundo en su mano está
Todo el mundo en su mano está
Todo el mundo en su mano está
He’s got the whole world in His hands.
But I am holding my whole world in mine.